how to master the power of no
The most important thing that I have learned so far on this journey is the power of no.
So how did I embrace it and why did it change so much for me?
When you think about it, it doesn’t seem so hard, but dig a little deeper in you, and get honest.
How often in life have you found it hard to say no to someone? And what stopped you from doing so?
Boundaries are everything when you are addressing themes and challenges around self belief, self esteem, self worth.
And not being able to say no often goes way back in our lives, to a time when we felt either forced or obliged to do something without putting ourselves first, as a given.
When our needs were not considered to be a priority, or our voices were not being listened to and acknowledged.
And so putting others first and what they want becomes an altruistic act of indulgence that we assume as the only way to be.
And people get used to it.
I’m saying a lot here in a very short space of time, read it through and let it sink in, see how you feel about what this all means to you.
So, what happens when you stop all this? When you stop putting others first and start voicing your own needs as a priority?
Firstly, you may become surprised at how people don’t reciprocate your behaviour, they don’t put. you first as a given, they have less trouble than you saying no. In fact you may even feel a little resentful that they are not checking in on you. And be prepared for people not liking the change in you straight away.
After all, it is so convenient to have an altruistic friend / partner / colleague / parent / child.
Guilt can keep you there. Fear can keep you there.
What if I am letting them all down? What if I disappoint? What if I make someone angry?
Well, what if you are angry for being so damn obliging for so long? Start with you. You deserve, you are enough, you are worthy.
So master it this way - today, reschedule your entire week based on your needs on paper and see how it makes you feel. Then explore those feelings closely and accept that they have a basis, a reason, a history.
Then pledge that you will do one thing at first with more to follow, which will put you first. Sacred self care to gain your sense of self, to honour who you are, to create that shift.
Powerful.
And it’s a process. Don’t be harsh on how you learn, just give thanks that each day you get better boundaries. I’m learning all the time and each lesson is a gift.
Angie Litvinoff is a life changing Rites of Passage Guide for Visionary Midlife Women, a Modern Medicine Woman and Artist.
She helps women FIND THEIR JOY.
You can find out more about how to work with her and to subscribe to this regular blog here: https://www.angielitvinoff.com/
photo by Nux Photography
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